They, Them and You

Once upon a time, there were those who snidely called women “Miss” no matter how often they were asked to use “Ms.”. The validation was that Ms. was madeup, wasn’t proper English and explanations ad nauseum. One of the more popular explanations was that Ms. would confuse people: was the woman married or was she not? Where men didn’t need to denote their marital status, women had to clarify it at all times. After all, how would we know if that woman was allowed to even be in public without a man or a respectable woman as escort?
 
Once upon a time, there were those who called women by their husband’s surname no matter how often the woman explained that she had kept her ‘own’. There was no reason for women to keep their own names they were told; think of how confusing it will be for the children! Are they yours? Are they not? Whose name will they use? Will you give them yours and then people will think they’re (hushed whisper) *illegitimate*? Why were women trying to convince people they weren’t married? Were they trying to attract other men?
 
There are endless examples I could give. When African-Americans decided that Black was a name that they preferred to use for their identity than Coloured. How many white people sneered and insisted that there was no reason for the change? Over and over, every version involves someone wanting their identity to be respected, to have that respect shown by being addressed by the label, name or pronoun that is theirs. And over and over, there are those who show their assumption of superior standing by refusing to grant that grace. Telling someone that you have decided for them that calling them by the incorrect pronoun does not hurt them or affect them. Because the need to control others, to feel power over them, is more important than acknowledging them as your equal.
Slowly, through time, through sheer stubbornness, various identity groups have worn people and social conventions down (in parts of the world). We live in a society where personal identity is all; where people have unique names, change their names to better reflect their sense of self, where people choose the surnames they and their partner will use for a family. And however much anyone might criticize those naming choices, we understand that no one else gets to decide. No one gets to call those people by a different name just because they don’t like the one chosen.
 
Someday, those of you who feel that being asked to use someone’s pronouns-of-choice will understand that you are being ridiculous and controlling. That you are insisting that what you want and what you are comfortable with is the only thing that matters. That the way you demonstrate your imagined superiority is by denying others the right to choose the names and pronouns for their identity. Think of that the next time you introduce yourself to someone…  think of the name you use and why it is you think you are entitled to have someone use it to address you.

Suiting up for the fight

It’s been a long couple of weeks here, there…pretty much everywhere. Everywhere I look I see people who look exhausted or shellshocked or wary. They’re beaten by the US election results and unable to look ahead. They’re exhausted thinking of the fight ahead.

Some of us have taken self-imposed breaks from social media. In a world where we all use our social media platforms for different reasons to different audiences–some simply for community interaction, some for self-promotion, some for work–many of us have hit a wall. We can’t deal with any more speculation on what went wrong or what is ahead of us. We can’t deal with assignments of blame. We can’t deal with the rightwing supporters lurking amongst our own family and friends who now feel safe to come out into the light and to glory in the Bully’s win.

But we’re trying to find our way back… we’re trying to find the strength. We’re trying to gear up for the fight ahead. And in so doing, we’re seeing that others on social media are proclaiming, with a slight edge of hysteria, that it’s so important to keep the fight up at all times, from the beginning, every day for the next four years. They urge everyone to understand that they cannot stop the fight or take breaks from it at all.

And they’re probably utterly confused by my anger.

They’re right:  it’s going to be hard keeping up this energy and fighting for four long years. But many of us are very familiar with that very dilemma. For the former, the fight is how to keep the media and public focus on the President-Elect. Their concern is to reduce his affect on the country, to prevent re-election. For me, for too many others, the fight has always been there…it’s just more visible now. Misogyny, sexism, Islamophobia, transphobia, homophobia, anti-intellectualism, right-wing bigotry:  these are not new. They have always been there, and we’ve always been fighting them.

Don’t tell me how important your fight is. The fight has always been important. The change is that now you can see what we’ve been saying all along. All those years, all the decades we’ve spent saying:  this is a problem. Racism was a problem before the recent Presidential election:  it will be a problem after the next one. All the isms, all the bigotries:  they are not new. They will not disappear no matter how vigilant you are. If a different President or a different party is elected in four years time, they will still not disappear. We will still need to be aware, to be vigilant, to fight. You are willing to see one person or his followers or his supporters as the problem:  you haven’t yet figured out that the problems are as insidious, as much a part of the culture as we have always said. We’re not paranoid, we’re not professional victims, we haven’t been imagining problems that don’t exist. The President-elect is not the problem:  he is a part of the problem, a living walking example of the problem.

Don’t ask me to join your fight:  understand that you have joined ours. We’ve been here a long time.

Today’s Helpful Lesson from Social Media: how we’re allowed to react

I need to take a break from social media. I thought I would have nothing to say today but, golly, suddenly got inspired. So I will shout one thing then leave.

Don’t: just DON’T.

Don’t tell us not to be upset. Don’t give us the “Don’t complain; do something!” speeches. Don’t tell us that anger doesn’t accomplish anything. Don’t explain how you’re so able to be rational and calm and so you can tell us how to react when we’re clearly just being emotional.

If you can do all that? Congrats on you man, clearly that’s important to you. But if we want to grieve, if we want to mourn, if our hearts are fucking breaking for what this means for acceptance and equality then we get to be as loud and messy and as emotional as we want.

People identify men as rational and women as emotional. It’s used as control: if women are emotional, they’re told that they’re automatically being irrational. Maybe if men were able to accept that emotions are not automatically negative, that emotions are not character flaws, that women are not just emotional creatures and emotions are not automatically irrational and hysterical, maybe just maybe the world wouldn’t be in this fucking mess.

Go enjoy your rational intellectual discussions and your thoughtful considered plans. Don’t tell me to be silent. Don’t tell me how to behave. This day of all days, don’t tell women how they should behave for your comfort.

Why is Donald Trump doing “so well” Part 2

In the last few years, we’ve watched as GOP controlled states have rolled back abortion access, defunded Planned Parenthood, brought in punitive measures for women who try to access abortion services, threatened healthcare providers for helping women, have brought in Bathroom Laws, have tried to protect the right to persecute people based on their sexual or gender identity… We’ve watched confused as the states have fought to protect gun possession laws no matter how many people are shot on a daily basis in the US. We’ve watched as dozens of schoolchildren were shot dead by assault weapons and yet, lawmakers insisted that the right to bear arms trumped all.
 
And yet, people keep bleating, “Why is Donald Trump doing so well? It must be because Clinton is such a terrible candidate!”
 
If Clinton were to promise to outlaw abortion, to promise to deport all illegal immigrants, to promise to ban Muslim refugees, to promise to crush the rights of women and LGBTQ people and other minority identity groups, I can guarantee you she would be doing very well with Donald Trump’s voter base. When she talked about half his supporters being “a basket of deplorables” what she meant was that they are deplorable human beings because they have deplorable beliefs. They’re bigots and very loud and proud to be so.
 
It’s not a mystery that Trump has 30% support in this election. What you’re actually asking is how someone whose exterior appearance, whose life is as messy and untidy and ugly as his interior beliefs is doing “well”. You’re asking why it isn’t Pence, or Bush, or Romney or any of the other Republicans whose exterior does not visibly demonstrate how ugly they truly are inside.
 
And thus, you perpetuate the problem. The solution is not to have ugliness disguised by an attractive, neat, discreet exterior appearance and life…the solution is to loudly advocate against all of it. Bigotry is bigotry. You really seem to be asking why you have to acknowledge the bigotry in this election because it’s impossible to avoid. Yet, it’s the same bigotry that was in play in the last two elections. It’s the same bigotry that has been known to all who are women or minority identity groups.
 
Don’t ask why Trump has the support he has. Don’t find excuses for those who support him. Understand that there are Americans who are very happy with their bigotry, whatever it’s subject. And when they look at their country, when they look at the laws being passed, when they look at what some of their political leaders are saying, they see no reason to change.

Why is Donald Trump doing “so well” Part One

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo tired of the rhetoric that Sanders’ voters were smarter than everyone else and picked him because they know how to research on the internet and they found out All the Things and so picked him. Clinton voters are just voting for her because she’s a woman or because she’s the Democrat. ButTrump voters? Oh, that’s because The System has given them no choice and he’s the only way to express their frustration with The System.

Yes, I’m sure the KKK are really frustrated with The System and he’s their only choice to express that. I’m sure all the homophobes are really frustrated with The System and he’s their only choice to express that. I’m sure all the misogynists, the sexists, the transphobes, the Islamophobes, all of those are so frustrated with The System that they have no choice but to vote for the man who tells them that he’s not part of The System. The System that is supposed to respect the Constitution, Human Rights, the Geneva Convention and more…

Here’s a radical thought: accept that people are supporting Trump because they agree with him. He is not a symbol of their lack of choice but a symbol of their complete and utter choice. In the past they’ve had to content themselves with a Republican Party that used such coded language that they weren’t always sure that the Party is as racist and sexist and misogynist and bigoted as they hoped…now, they know it for an absolute fact.

Many polls have suggested that Trump has the support of half of the Republican Party…and polls have shown that 43% of Republicans to this day believe that Obama is a Muslim who was born in Kenya. Stop giving these people an excuse, stop blaming everyone but the actual people voicing their support for Trump. They haven’t been fooled or conned or trapped by economic despair. They’re angry that being white and male is no longer a guarantee of privilege.

Tire Fires and Clouds of Smoke

Donald Trump is a tire fire, the slow endless version; incredibly dangerous, toxic, polluting the world around him, difficult to deal with, and slowly, perpetually burning. Every day we have new details of the fire but people begin to feel after such a long time that there is no point in reporting on any of it…after years and years, in the end, no matter what new details there are: it’s just the same old thing. So people shrug and ignore it.
 8
Hillary Clinton is not a tire fire. She’s not any kind of fire, and yet people insist they have no idea who she really is because, they insist, she is difficult to see for all the smoke that clouds their vision of her. They nod sagely, where there’s smoke there’s fire.
 8
Tire fires can burn slowly and so long that visually, other than the horrific smell and the slow release of chemicals into the air, all we see is the smoke. But even the most inexperienced person can follow that plume of smoke and point and say, “The fire is there.” With Clinton, everyone explains that they haven’t found the source yet. It’s there; they know it’s there. After all:  smoke. Where does the smoke trace back to? Well, there’s too much smoke for anyone to see clearly.
 8
For decades, the GOP spent millions upon millions of dollars to find the cause of the smoke they smelled around Clinton. They never find the source of the fire or even that there ever was a fire, but they smell smoke…so they look again.

Perfectly intelligent left-wing people post about Clinton and say, “Where there’s smoke there must be fire…” They don’t know what the fire is either. “There’s just something about her,” they muse. “I just know that she’s corrupt,” they justify to all.

A tire fire is a real actual known thing. The details of all the things that are questionable, dubious, spurious, actionable, distasteful about Donald Trump are all actual real facts. They are things that are known, that can be proved. Over and over again, those facts are ignored in favour of questionable, dubious, spurious, actionable, distasteful debate about imagined, posited, speculated opinions about Hillary Clinton.

This US election pits a failed incompetent businessman/reality show star against a qualified competent career politician. And every single day people who loathe and fear the former try desperately to suggest that the latter has a deep dark secret hiding somewhere that will disqualify her. Because they would rather live with a tire fire than that hint of smoke.

 

There’s a very simple truth here. You do smell smoke:  it surrounds you. As you point out, where there’s smoke there is fire:  the fire of the slow burn of sexism so deep-seated, so ingrained that you don’t see it. Or you pretend you don’t see it. Or you’re not willing to acknowledge it because you know that sexism is wrong. You are a person who has supported equal rights all their life. But the truth is you are standing in the middle of that smoke and that is why you cannot clearly see Clinton.

 

And that is why Clinton is so confused by the hatred and distrust of her. She sees clearly because there is no smoke in her eyes. Wave your hands…wave the smoke away. And take another look. Stop insisting that your opinion of imagined possibilities is as valid as actual facts.

Appealing to a basket of deplorables…

“You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it. And unfortunately there are people like that. And he has lifted them up. He has given voice to their websites that used to only have 11,000 people — now 11 million. He tweets and retweets their offensive hateful mean-spirited rhetoric. Now, some of those folks — they are irredeemable, but thankfully they are not America.” –Hillary Clinton, Sept 9 2016
An interesting and bizarre rhetoric of the US election: Clinton is not completely crushing Trump in the polls because SHE is doing something wrong or blah blah blah. Somehow, magically, it is not that people are actually really truly CHOOSING to express support for him. Sure, we all see the polls that show us how racist people are, we understand how misogynist the country is (the GOP didn’t start trying to crush Planned Parenthood just as a fun hobby), sure we see all the Islamophobia, the homophobia, the transphobia (Bathroom Bills, anyone?). But nope, it’s because Clinton is failing.
Please explain to me how you feel she could better appeal to the bigots? Because Trump’s supporters are bigots. Some are loud and avowed and proud bigots. Some are silent bigots pretending that they’re not because they do understand that there are those who think that bigotry is bad; they don’t want to be labelled as bigots, but by gods, they do NOT want to stop being bigots and have to live in a country overrun by thems heathen Muslims and with some woman pushing the button by accident when she has a hot flash.
But yes, do continue with the rhetoric of how ‘badly’ Clinton is doing by not appealing to those who have intentionally willfully chosen Trump.
If you take a look at one of the biggest sweeps in US history, it was when those on the left fell for the alleged folksy appeal of movie star Ronald Reagan and voted for him in incredible numbers. THAT is when you see huge changes in numbers: when those who lean left think that maybe, just maybe, this guy on the right won’t be completely dangerous. Those on the right ALWAYS think that those on the left will be dangerous; you see a sea-change when they become terrified that the guy on the right is actually too dangerous to let loose on the government. Hence, for all the argument that Clinton is not appealing to the voter base…everyday we see Republicans announcing that they are supporting her over Trump.

If the media tried reporting facts rather than feelings and faux ‘both-side-erisms’ y’all might have a very different take on this election. You might see that Clinton isn’t failing by not appealing to ‘the other side’: it’s that a basket of deplorables isn’t actually ashamed of being deplorable. They’re right where they want to be; champing at the bit, desperate for a shot to be in charge and to wreak damage over those they hate and despite. They’re happy to stand behind the man who says out loud what they are shamed for thinking; he validates their every belief. For Clinton to appeal to them, she too would have to express those beliefs… Clinton isn’t failing by not appealing to them. Clinton is staying the course.

And, for the record, this is how Clinton continued the ‘basket of deplorables’ speech:

“But the other basket — and I know this because I see friends from all over America here — I see friends from Florida and Georgia and South Carolina and Texas — as well as, you know, New York and California — but that other basket of people are people who feel that the government has let them down, the economy has let them down, nobody cares about them, nobody worries about what happens to their lives and their futures, and they’re just desperate for change. It doesn’t really even matter where it comes from. They don’t buy everything he says, but he seems to hold out some hope that their lives will be different. They won’t wake up and see their jobs disappear, lose a kid to heroin, feel like they’re in a dead-end. Those are people we have to understand and empathize with as well.”
Keiren