There needs to be a Special Circle of Hell for women who like to say “Women hate me because…”.
Women hate you because when you say that you are speaking to men. You are saying to men, “Please let me take this time to reinforce all your sexist beliefs that women are irrational anti-intellectual creatures completely driven by their emotions and those emotions are just jealousy.” That you are completely reinforcing the patriarchal cliche that all women are in a perpetual competition to win and be the one who has full use of the Male Gaze.
Women hate you because you are telling them that YOU believe all of that–that it’s the first thought that occurs to you as acceptable explanation. You do not examine your own behaviour, you do not examine how you treat other women, you do not examine how you talk about other women. You refuse to acknowledge that you continually talk about women as if there really truly is an ongoing competition. You simply do not admit that you treat women as if that competition exists and that you believe yourself to have already won; that you patronize them and try to make them feel better or worse about what you perceive as their loss.
Women hate you because with these comments you are saying to men that their continued objectification of women is acceptable and welcome. You tell men that they do not victimize; that women have chosen to see themselves as victims. You tell men that there is no need to consider women, to have affirmative action because the only problem is that women are not willing to work as hard as you. You continually tell men and women that as you are the one and only woman then all any woman has to do is be just like you. You did not have another path so you do not see it or understand that they exist for other women.
Women hate you because you talk as if there can only ever be one woman. If another woman is in the public eye or spoken of, it is because people have rejected YOU personally. You see every mention of women as direct competition with you. You do not know how to live as one of all the women…you see yourself as the one woman in the men’s world. And you are utterly oblivious to that. You claim that feminism put you there but you do not work to help other women to get there.
Women hate you because you talk of men as your only reliable trustworthy allies; and any women who do not feel the same are wrong. You reject any experience but yours. You reject any knowledge but yours. You reject other women because you assume that they are the same as you–fighting to be the one in the spotlight.
But in truth, women don’t hate you; they pity you. You have lost out. You do not know how to stand in the shadows and live your life without the gaze and approval of men. You do not know how to be strong for yourself and by yourself.
And, despite a lifetime a rejection of other women, the jealous women, the petty women, the women not as pretty as you, the women with bodies not as good as yours…one day when you are down and without hope…some woman will feel compelled to offer you help. Because that’s what we do.