NotAllMen… well, actually

NotAllMen you snarl and explain how that woman brought this upon herself, should have known that it would happen, should have known better, should have protected herself better, should not have put herself in that situation with that man.

And at no point do you understand that what you are saying is

NotAllMen unless a woman gives them the opportunity.


Looking for an umbrella

Too busy for a write-up at this time, so just going to ponder and brood: despite the decades of sexism and internalized misogyny Clinton has faced and been oppressed by, despite the decades of unfounded accusations, despite the decades of investigations, despite the fact that we know that there was Russian interference in the election from the beginning of the primaries, despite the racism and bigotry riled up by the GOP and fed steadily through eight years of Obama’s presidency, despite the fake journalism and lies and rumours, despite all the studies that show that more than 50% of ‘news’ coverage of Clinton was steadily determinedly doggedly negative (even including outright lies and delusions: hello, Pizzagate)… despite all that, people still nod their head and say, “Yes, but… really she should have run a better campaign.”
Yes, when a wall of shit is raining down on you, you should have known to pick a sturdier umbrella. The problem is not the wall of shit, it is your inability to pick a good umbrella. Somehow, you should have known THAT much shit would be raining over you… and you should have planned better.
Over and over again, I have spent years–YEARS–pointing out the insidious hideous sexism and misogyny that bogs down any discussion of women in politics in North America, especially in the States. It wasn’t “any woman but Clinton”…there are rumblings about Kamala Harris in 2020 so we are now starting to see articles doing quick drive-by swipes at her. The US has a conservatism to it that people outside (and honestly, inside) truly don’t understand. It presents itself as this incredible forward-thinking modern culture…and yet polls of it’s citizenry show a different story. And there is still a very basic distrust of women in positions of authority. (There are more CEOs named John in the US then there are women CEOs. Women are 52% of the population; how much of the other 48% do you think are named John?)
Americans have spent decades dedicated to the idea that Clinton is devious and untrustworthy because it is normal for men to seek power; it is not normal for women to do so. When a man seeks power, people question his abilities and competence. When a woman seeks power, people question her motives. Women aren’t supposed to look for power: we are the caregivers and the caretakers. We are supposed to look after the others so they can live their lives. Our purpose is to serve; to always be second after those who are more important than are we.
When you say “Clinton and/or the Democrats should have run a better campaign!” you are ignoring all the facts. And you are intentionally sidestepping the reality of sexism. You are intentionally sidestepping the opportunity to question your own assumptions and beliefs. When you say the election was lost only because of racism, then suggest energetically that a male candidate would have won, you are doing everything in your power to avoid a very basic truth. Sexism is insidious. It is everywhere. It is in the fabric of everything we do and say everyday.

You [claim to] see the racism. You [claim to] see the bigotry. You need to hunt for the sexism and see it. You need to know it. You need to own it. You need to understand it.

Eating our own

Been seeing a lot of people proclaiming that anyone on the Left who criticizes others in the group is just another example of “the left eating itself”, or it’s why the left keeps imploding blah blah blah. That if we worry about how our side looks, we will never get into positions of power (the argument being that we will always find something wrong and that somehow, by holding people to task we are alerting the right that we might not all be in agreement).
Refusing to examine the beliefs, actions and words publicly displayed by those on “our” side is exactly how the Right ended up with Donald Trump. Because it was more important to have a person who could win, then a person who was responsible or right (as in correct), a person who actually supported the same beliefs and positions of the majority group members.
Right now, in the US, the Democratic Party is so desperate for wins that they’ve allowed that candidates do not have to support abortion rights; something that should surely be a basic tenet of the Party given that it’s about supporting the rights of all, not just those you plan to personally access. This is the slippery slope to be worried about… not the criticism of so-called allies.
Today it’s abortion rights… what will be set aside next? Given the declarations that no one should criticize anyone on the left even if they express views that alienate substantial portions of the population, it seems clear that there will be more erosion and erasure.
As those on the Left argue that it’s more important to unite and win than to call anyone to task, it’s important to bear witness to what is happening in the current American administration: THAT is what happens when winning is more important than being right, or being united. It’s more difficult to deal with a disaster than it is to prevent it in the first place.

A woman you never understood, still not behaving as you demand


And so… it continues.

It’s January 20, 2017. Time for Americans (and some Canadians) to do what they do best: put all their anger where it clearly belongs…on Hillary Rodham Clinton.

For the last week or so, I have watched as various commenters have done their best to work up a head of steam. News reports leaked that the Clintons would be attending the Inauguration as is traditional for former Presidents and their spouses. And so began the flood of responses urging Rodham Clinton to make a statement and refuse to go.

We have all noted the sizeable list of Democrats who have announced that they will not be at the Inauguration, some hidden under excuses, other with clearly stated reasons and an explanation of where they will be instead. This is not, in fact, an unusual thing to have happen; many a Republican announced that they were out of town during Obama’s Inauguration. But it is part of the formality, pomp and circumstance and the handing over of power to have former Presidents in the crowd to welcome in the new member of the group.

Those urging Rodham Clinton to stay away believe that they have the best of reasons: she should do so as a protest against Trump. They are, of course, prevaricating. They know full well that few will see it as such, and most will simply attribute her behaviour to being a bad loser, or worse: being a coward. And Hillary Rodham Clinton is not a coward.

Yes, you would not go. Yes, you would have so many valid reasons not to go. That’s why you are not Hillary Rodham Clinton and why she truly never really was just one of us… Hillary Rodham Clinton possesses a level of resolute stubborn bravery many of us will never have reason to know. When she attended Yale Law School, she was one of 27 women out of a class of 235. Given the examples of sexism and misogyny many of us experienced in more recent times, we can imagine what it was like for those women in 1974. Or what it was like when Rodham Clinton began to practice law. We know what it was like for her as First Lady of Arkansas: regarded with suspicion and distrust because her lack of concern with her looks suggested that she thought she was ‘above’ being the citizenry. When her husband lost his re-election campaign, pundits placed all the blame at the feet of the wife who maintained her maiden name, who didn’t worry about makeup or styling her hair or wearing skirts. With a few simple cosmetic changes, Bill Clinton found himself back as Governor and Rodham Clinton learned a valuable lesson: it’s not enough as a feminist to simply be tough and keep going despite opposition. In order to succeed, in order to achieve the political power one needs in order to change society, one needs to learn to play the game and to appease the ‘audience’.

Rodham Clinton’s entire life has been about working in a society and work world that does not want her in it the way she has wanted to be. Her entire life has been about standing out, never blending in: first graduating student picked to do a valedictorian speech at Wellesley College, giving a speech so eloquent, so moving that Life Magazine did a feature on her.

So many of you complaining are those who spent the entire campaign complaining, “there’s just something about her…no one trusts her.” Now, you are insisting that she stand in for you, that she be your living avatar. In a world where all the new President has ignored all your nasty tweets and Facebook comments no matter how many of your friends retweet you, you are telling her that she has to be your visible presence. She has to do what you can’t do: a visible action that will show everyone your disapproval.

Clinton is not you, she is not us. She has always been a leader, she has always been a woman who has known that she would never truly be welcomed or accepted because of her ambitions. That has not swayed her. She has not sought that welcome. She has looked for understanding: an understanding that she has wanted to lead the country in many different ways and fight for social justice and progress for women, children, minority groups. She has done it in the face of everyone’s alleged much-vaunted distrust; she has done it with sky-high approval ratings. She has done it when voted Most Admired Woman in America, year after year after year.

And she did her best to do it over the course of the last year. She smiled grimly through the onslaught of negative press. She worked hard despite those, like you, who continually parroted, “There’s just something about her…she’s not like us. She doesn’t get us like Bernie does. She’s an elite, not an ordinary person like Bernie is.”

No. Because Rodham Clinton is not an ordinary person. She is not like you and me. She is a woman who has worked through the decades of inequality and misogyny of American life, and has done her best to change it. And as a woman working through those decades, she has learned to paste on the smile, to murmur the right platitutdes, to accept that, at every turn, someone is waiting to knock her down.

She will not be childish or churlish today. She will not give in to base emotions to indulge herself. She will be professional. She will be political. By attending today’s Inauguration, Rodham Clinton is not letting anyone down: she is showing all of you what you lost.

She will be Presidential.


C’mon:  we all knew it was gonna be a white pantsuit.


They, Them and You

Once upon a time, there were those who snidely called women “Miss” no matter how often they were asked to use “Ms.”. The validation was that Ms. was madeup, wasn’t proper English and explanations ad nauseum. One of the more popular explanations was that Ms. would confuse people: was the woman married or was she not? Where men didn’t need to denote their marital status, women had to clarify it at all times. After all, how would we know if that woman was allowed to even be in public without a man or a respectable woman as escort?
Once upon a time, there were those who called women by their husband’s surname no matter how often the woman explained that she had kept her ‘own’. There was no reason for women to keep their own names they were told; think of how confusing it will be for the children! Are they yours? Are they not? Whose name will they use? Will you give them yours and then people will think they’re (hushed whisper) *illegitimate*? Why were women trying to convince people they weren’t married? Were they trying to attract other men?
There are endless examples I could give. When African-Americans decided that Black was a name that they preferred to use for their identity than Coloured. How many white people sneered and insisted that there was no reason for the change? Over and over, every version involves someone wanting their identity to be respected, to have that respect shown by being addressed by the label, name or pronoun that is theirs. And over and over, there are those who show their assumption of superior standing by refusing to grant that grace. Telling someone that you have decided for them that calling them by the incorrect pronoun does not hurt them or affect them. Because the need to control others, to feel power over them, is more important than acknowledging them as your equal.
Slowly, through time, through sheer stubbornness, various identity groups have worn people and social conventions down (in parts of the world). We live in a society where personal identity is all; where people have unique names, change their names to better reflect their sense of self, where people choose the surnames they and their partner will use for a family. And however much anyone might criticize those naming choices, we understand that no one else gets to decide. No one gets to call those people by a different name just because they don’t like the one chosen.
Someday, those of you who feel that being asked to use someone’s pronouns-of-choice will understand that you are being ridiculous and controlling. That you are insisting that what you want and what you are comfortable with is the only thing that matters. That the way you demonstrate your imagined superiority is by denying others the right to choose the names and pronouns for their identity. Think of that the next time you introduce yourself to someone…  think of the name you use and why it is you think you are entitled to have someone use it to address you.

Suiting up for the fight

It’s been a long couple of weeks here, there…pretty much everywhere. Everywhere I look I see people who look exhausted or shellshocked or wary. They’re beaten by the US election results and unable to look ahead. They’re exhausted thinking of the fight ahead.

Some of us have taken self-imposed breaks from social media. In a world where we all use our social media platforms for different reasons to different audiences–some simply for community interaction, some for self-promotion, some for work–many of us have hit a wall. We can’t deal with any more speculation on what went wrong or what is ahead of us. We can’t deal with assignments of blame. We can’t deal with the rightwing supporters lurking amongst our own family and friends who now feel safe to come out into the light and to glory in the Bully’s win.

But we’re trying to find our way back… we’re trying to find the strength. We’re trying to gear up for the fight ahead. And in so doing, we’re seeing that others on social media are proclaiming, with a slight edge of hysteria, that it’s so important to keep the fight up at all times, from the beginning, every day for the next four years. They urge everyone to understand that they cannot stop the fight or take breaks from it at all.

And they’re probably utterly confused by my anger.

They’re right:  it’s going to be hard keeping up this energy and fighting for four long years. But many of us are very familiar with that very dilemma. For the former, the fight is how to keep the media and public focus on the President-Elect. Their concern is to reduce his affect on the country, to prevent re-election. For me, for too many others, the fight has always been there…it’s just more visible now. Misogyny, sexism, Islamophobia, transphobia, homophobia, anti-intellectualism, right-wing bigotry:  these are not new. They have always been there, and we’ve always been fighting them.

Don’t tell me how important your fight is. The fight has always been important. The change is that now you can see what we’ve been saying all along. All those years, all the decades we’ve spent saying:  this is a problem. Racism was a problem before the recent Presidential election:  it will be a problem after the next one. All the isms, all the bigotries:  they are not new. They will not disappear no matter how vigilant you are. If a different President or a different party is elected in four years time, they will still not disappear. We will still need to be aware, to be vigilant, to fight. You are willing to see one person or his followers or his supporters as the problem:  you haven’t yet figured out that the problems are as insidious, as much a part of the culture as we have always said. We’re not paranoid, we’re not professional victims, we haven’t been imagining problems that don’t exist. The President-elect is not the problem:  he is a part of the problem, a living walking example of the problem.

Don’t ask me to join your fight:  understand that you have joined ours. We’ve been here a long time.

Today’s Helpful Lesson from Social Media: how we’re allowed to react

I need to take a break from social media. I thought I would have nothing to say today but, golly, suddenly got inspired. So I will shout one thing then leave.

Don’t: just DON’T.

Don’t tell us not to be upset. Don’t give us the “Don’t complain; do something!” speeches. Don’t tell us that anger doesn’t accomplish anything. Don’t explain how you’re so able to be rational and calm and so you can tell us how to react when we’re clearly just being emotional.

If you can do all that? Congrats on you man, clearly that’s important to you. But if we want to grieve, if we want to mourn, if our hearts are fucking breaking for what this means for acceptance and equality then we get to be as loud and messy and as emotional as we want.

People identify men as rational and women as emotional. It’s used as control: if women are emotional, they’re told that they’re automatically being irrational. Maybe if men were able to accept that emotions are not automatically negative, that emotions are not character flaws, that women are not just emotional creatures and emotions are not automatically irrational and hysterical, maybe just maybe the world wouldn’t be in this fucking mess.

Go enjoy your rational intellectual discussions and your thoughtful considered plans. Don’t tell me to be silent. Don’t tell me how to behave. This day of all days, don’t tell women how they should behave for your comfort.